What I miss

Since I moved to Ottumwa, I have had four main jobs.... Worked at Pizza Hut as waitress- nope don't even miss it in the least. I worked at Hotel Ottumwa as a housekeeper and nope don't miss it either. I now own my own cab company so there is nothing to miss there. But I DO miss the not so respectable job I had at Chills and Thrills as a stripper. I miss just hanging out with the girls- now we really do not see each other much at all, I miss just having people to talk to at any given time, I miss the dancing part because it was perfect weight loss and management program. Jesse says it was the attention and maybe that is a part but it isn't the main reason I miss it. Which I guess if i look at the big picture of always having someone to talk to then I guess it is a bit bigger part of the reason I miss Chills. The 20+ pounds I have gained are eating me alive when it comes to wearing clothes that look descent, never had a problem going shopping and having to chose clothes that cover up a fat role. Now I can not find really cute stuff anymore. I joined a fitness club to try to undo the damage this past year has done to my body, that is going to be slow in making a change but I worked out last night and felt worn down when finished. When I worked at the club I got worn down but that was after working from 5p to whenever we close up to 2am so big difference when I workout for 1 hour and feel like death. My muscles are screaming today and they are very loud and clear--- your ass out of shape (that what they telling me). I worked at Chills from Oct 07 to Jan 08 and lost 30+ pounds and I felt great. Now that I am packing the pounds back on I feel like shit and definitely not feeling sexy. I would like to get in and out of a shower without feeling like I need to run for cover. I want that feeling back that made me comfortable with my body.

Life In General

Well I have definitely had better weeks. I don't know it was just very exhausting... emotionally. Mind has definitely been over stimulated!!!! If you can believe it shopping did not help all that much. Although it did get some new clothes, shoes, make-up, got my nails painted ( and they look great), and got a membership to our new 24/7 fitness club. Which it seems everyone wants to at least try it out so I am finding it hard to get in there when the place is not packed. No, I will not go in when there are a million already Ethiopian chicks in there doing some power/ serious workouts that don't even need that much. I think they either anorexic or bulimic. No joke they look nasty skinny! Make a person feel even more depressed for eating just being around them.

Note to self-- If you want it done do it yourself or live my life!!!!

Yeah this Bipolar crap is getting out of control. I wish that it would just go away and I think life could be at least alright, but no it won't and I am going crazy living in not my kinda clean surroundings. I figure if I just get a space of my own to hide if necessary or chill out when necessary I would be fine. Still having that thought just still don't have a space to do either. I always have to be in the mix with everyone because there isn't a place for me to go and be alone. Hide from the mess or relax. I bet there never will be one for me either. Jesse has started doing the demolition phase of his new house about a week or a little more ago. It still is not a big enough place to get me a space or my kids for that matter, and yet he asks me if he gets a room for himself and his guy stuff. HUH that was what was going through my mind like are you crazy I do not get one my kids don't even have one and yet he think he need one. Funny I continue to tell him he got two homes for him and his but still no where for me and mine. It getting really old. He want to make additions onto the pre- existing home if he can purchase the property next to his home, yet the original got to be done first then buy the land and then build. I think Melvin be living in his own place before mom every get a place for him to stay. Maybe he let me live with him...

Mondays Suck!!!

I believe this has been the case since we were kids. Never did like Mondays and still don't have a real reason but I do know they suck. I hate even getting out of bed on a Monday. Seems no one wants to get motivated and I just want the world to go away today that what I do know. I had my morning rider cancel on me so I have no reason to be up and yet I am up and pissy. Never get to sleep in when I want to and that shit be getting very old. My man cant seem to get his own kids motivated or take care of his own shit anyway. Got to wake me up.

Busyness with cab and life

Well the cab has definitely had a great start to the new year. I can say I am very satisfied, since the 1st the cab has brought in a minimum of $100.00 per day. I can be hopeful that it continues to be this steady. Weather conditions are not an issue so far, thus far I have not gotten myself stuck anywhere. I am glad that the Chevy Lumina LS has been very dependable.
As for life, been kinda up an down in the aggravated level each day. Keeping busy with the cab but not getting along too well with the man. Hope things settle down soon. I don't like being so crabby and irritable with him but he sure knows how to get me going. Guess that's the only thing bothering me. I have messed up on a few rides (being in the wrong place). Regular customers are very understanding when I have to be late.. lol.

Trying to play catch up

Yup that me always trying to get things done I say i would do long before. Never seems to be enough time in a day. Cab was really busy yesterday which is not normal for a Wednesday but not complaining bout making money just the exhaustion that went with it since I wasn't really feeling well. Then I get a harebrained idea to make a ham dinner --- yeah the whole going out big dinner. It was good of course but at the same time I didn't make some of the dishes I had planned, got too tired and said forget it. I of course finished my chocolate cake as if i would go without it. NOT!!! Had only 4 hours sleep Tuesday night and real busy Wednesday but feeling refreshed this morning. Hope to get a bunch of stuff done today. God Jesse got up early and is on my nerve this morning.

Happy New Year- and yes my mood has started changing too!!!

Well it is now 2009. I can not believe it is. The past year has had a lot of ups and downs for me. Thank god Jesse was able to just get through each day with me, not sure how he stuck through it all. I know my moods got pretty bad and I didn't even want to live anymore. Christmas was not a very happy time for me but shortly after my mood started to shift and my mind started to slow down on all the bad stuff running through it. I closed the cab early on New Years and decided to get a little crunk with the rest of the world. Yeah and i did too. I started out with a simple bud light at home, that didn't last long. I went downtown and had about 5 jager-bombs then went to the shop party Jesse was supposed to be at. Nothing really entertaining going on there and i was feeling pretty good. Went home and had a few there. The only sucky part was at midnight I didn't get a kiss or a Happy New Year from Jesse. He was preoccupied having to watch his kids and then went out to his party without realizing I was alive. That is the Jesse I am used to. So I quit drinking at 1am and decided to relax. Needed to be up and around for scheduled cab rides at 8am. Yup I passed out completely. Got up and started my day on time and that was that. I would have liked to have had a little time with Jesse for New years but have gotten used to not getting it. I had lots of people who were disappointed that I did not run the cab but they were more disappointed that they did not get a chance to have a drink with me since I had actually taken a night to drink. It is weird- the cab and all. I figured having a cab was just that but my cab seems to be where all the people really get to talking and I get to know them at least a bit. It is kinda nice to know exactly who I am driving around for the most part and be able to hold conversations with them. God only knows I wouldn't really have anyone to talk to if I didn't have the cab going. It has been fun. It's had its up days and its down days but all in all it is a perfect job for me. I have been looking for another driver for my company to get me some free time from time to time just to relax or get things done at a more timely fashion. I believe I have found him too. I just have to actually hire him now. All background info came back spotless and he already has a chauffeurs license. He is the perfect candidate that has come forward looking for work. Well that about sums up my new years and the first couple of days in the new year.