It won't go away

I want this feeling to leave if only for jesse but it won't. It is there in the light it is there in the dark. I can't hide from it I am tired of trying. I wish it would just leave me alone. I am hurting jesse by being so hard toward him but he won't let go and he has to. I am not out to hurt him I love him more than my life i just handle handle my life. It controls me. It consumes me. It has already destroyed me. I am no longer good to/for anyone, I do not want them to look back at this time and regret being there but they will. No one can save me I am LOST.